Healing Through Climbing - Skyscraper Walk!
I have feared heights since childhood. I lived 43 years of my life accepting it as an integral part of me, telling myself and others, "Yeah, I have a phobia! I don't do well with heights!" As a pleasant surprise, I made a breakthrough in this regard while trying out the skyscraper walk at the rock climbing gym - Grand River Rocks, Kitchener.
I was at the gym during ThanksGiving long weekend recently, which made it a treat as there were several little kids having hell of a time jumping from heights at the skyscraper walk. While they were flying, I was finding it challenging even to make it to the tallest building. Once I did, it took me several minutes before I dared to jump off!
The experience shifted my peace around accepting it as a part of me. "Why me? Does it really define me or is it something I could change. If kindergarten kids could enjoy it, why couldn't I? What caused it in the first place and what could I do to heal it??"
When I analyzed the situation during meditation, I had some interesting revelations . When my mom was expecting me, she fell off several flights of stairs. I developed a trauma around heights and falling even before I was born. I tried a few different healing techniques. I attempted to shift to a timeline where it never happened. My caring self didn't like the solution because my mom had that accident for good reasons. It brought some healthy changes in her lifestyle and environment which improved her life forever. Then I visualized that someone was holding me while she was falling, and kept me safe.
I felt better after the meditation but still wondered how I would do at heights. The only way to find out was to try the skyscraper again! 😃 When I was at the gym again, my mind had the solution but the rest of my system hadn't internalized it yet. It wasn't burnt into my system enough. Each time I climbed, I felt fear. When I felt the fear I visualized a loving, confident and trustworthy adult holding me. After a few attempts, I was able to make it to the top easily and stand firmly and unshakingly.
Although I was able to get to the top easily, It took me a lottttt of time to jump off. I just couldn't jump off!!! How much I tried vizualizing that I was safe, an adult was holding me as a foetus... I could not jump!!! My climbing friend Misha was yelling from the bottom "You already did the hard part! Now it only gets easy, you just have to come down, just jump!" When I somehow made it down, another friend from the climbing group, Anny, gave me a hug!
My climbing friends at the gym are very valuable. They add the element of fun to the very fulfilling and stimulating experience of overcoming rock climbing challenges, making it a very exciting package overall. While I was receiving a lot of sympathy, encouragement and support at that time externally, it wasn't helping. One of my wise climbing friends, Michal (Founder of GoldenBlue Spiral), requested the group to give me space. It gave me the unconventional but the most apt environment of being left alone to work on my healing. I then went through multiple rounds of solving the healing puzzle of climbing, jumping, meditating and looking for solutions.
By going into the details of my healing experience via climbing, I am also opening shadow aspects about myself and my family. I feel no guilt, fear, shame or baggage at this point because I feel both light and darkness are important for us. We only need to learn to embrace the darkness (along with the light) within and around us and use it towards our growth! Recalling the meaning of the Chinese yin-yang concept could help you understand my message better. "Yin and yang can be thought of as complementary and at the same time opposing forces that interact to form a dynamic system in which the whole is greater than the assembled parts and the parts are important for cohesion of the whole" (reference: wikipedia)
Before I go into the details of what I healed, let me give you some background! I grew up in a very well educated, influential and philanthropic family of Rajasthan. Several of my ancestors have been recognized by the govt of India and internationally with accolades like Padam Shri, Balzar Award and Bhamashah Award to mention a few! One of my aunts has an online presence so linking about her here - Bina Agarwal.
Going through multiple rounds of solving the healing puzzle of climbing, jumping, meditating and looking for solutions, I realized I wasn't able to jump off the tallest skyscraper because I did not have the permission to fly, to be myself, to pursue what I believed in and that I had the right to exist as I was - because a female!! The permission that was unknowingly taken away by my well educated, highly philanthropic ancestors because they believed that only male children could carry on the family lineage, while the girls were adorable dolls meant to be married off one day! They feared that higher education for girls, the freedom to pursue their dreams, and an environment to speak up, express and stand up for themselves would only threaten the safety net of keeping their ornamental status intact.
During my healing cycles when the faces of my ancestors were flashing and energetically stopping me from jumping off the skyscraper; the energies of my mother 'Sushila Goyal' also flashed who always believed in gender equality, adored us even though we were her daughters and not sons, made sure we learnt to dream, no matter what the circumstances were; stayed strong and ethical; never forgot to be grateful for what we had and overflowed where we could so more females would be re-born and we together create an avalanche that would make our society healthy, balanced and progressive! Now you know why I founded Sushila Goyal Group in her honor 🥰. The jump from the skyscraper helped me cut the strings that were tying me down unconsciously; giving me the permission to fly interdimensionally.
By writing this experience I want to encourage you to follow your passion and highest excitement. Embrace the darkness inside and around you. Use every experience as an opportunity to learn. Don't let your traumas define you. ❣️
I would also love to know your thoughts. I am NOT going to say I need your comments to know if I should keep writing 😂 I want to learn from your experiences of facing your darkness, your inspiring stories of empowerment, about the people who are the wind beneath your wings.... If you need me to create a platform for you to be able to share your stories via blogs, I would be happy to, but only YOU will know when you are ready to take that FIRST step!!
Artfully yours!
Megha
Blog written on Oct 22, 2024